Just gettin' by

I haven't been real inspired to write as of late, the seasonal blues are getting to me. I think I should have been born a bear, or some other animal that hibernates, because I could easily sleep for the next 5 months.

Heard Today at Work...

Said by a large, smelly toothless woman to her friend while looking at the cremation urns available for purchase.

"Awww...I wanna die and have me burnt- this one is pretty!"

Ummm- okay?

Kate

What The Heck Man?!?! OR Karma is REALLY PISSED at me

Okay, I have no idea what is going on here, but it is not funny. I have obviously pissed someone off or screwed up my karma big time. The proof:

Last week my right arm started to hurt so badly that I finally broke down and went to the doctor. (If you know me at all, you will realise that this is very odd.*) The diagnosis? I have Tennis Elbow. What the heck? I have not played tennis since the eighth grade! The doctor said that it has to do with the lack of ergonomics in my office at work and that I should have our "ergonomics guy" come by and set me up differently. I didn't want to tell him that I work for a cemetery with like 5 other people- and my "office" is a 4 x 5 cubicle stacked with dusty, calligraphy record books from 1882. There will be no visit from the "ergonomics guy", but I will wear a $6 black brace on my arm that makes me look like I'm constantly in mourning for someone. That's awesome.

Then on Saturday, I bumped my own hand against the Q-tip I was using to clean my ears and bruised my ear drum. Everything sounds like it is underwater through that ear. It's fabulous.

And last night my kitten insisted that she accompany me into the bathroom while I peed. It happens all the time so no big whoop, she likes to play with the water coming out of the faucet when I wash my hands. Unfortunately, I dropped the toilet lid down too hard when I was done and startled the crap out of her. When I went to pick her up to comfort her she turned into the demon spawn from HELL.

I now have a huge slice across my hand from just inside the second knuckle of my index finger swooping down to the tender flesh between my fingers and continuing on across the back of my hand until just before the thumb. It's wonderful to look like I was attacked by a band saw, let me tell you, but it's a greater bonus that the deepest parts of the cut are in the craziest places on my hand and require no less than 3 bandages, and 1 knuckle bandage, to cover most of the cut. But that is not even the worst part of my injury- she also punctured my thumb in two spots, one of which is right between the side of my nail and the flesh of my thumb. Exactly where I hit the space bar when I type. Fun.

Oh, and did I mention I have an interview for an awesome job tomorrow at my old high school? The one I haven't visited or gone to any of the reunions for since I escaped in the early '90's? So not only will I come in with a crazy brace on my arm and pretty much deaf in one ear, but as a bonus- fresh seeping wounds on my hand. Yeah, that will be a great impression on the HR lady- "Sorry, but you probably don't want to shake my hand."

Cross your fingers for me! I would, but I'm afraid to move.

Kate

* The doctor also wanted to schedule me a full physical because I am a "new patient." He's been my doctor for 6 years.

Shattered...and looking for glue

I had this huge ranting post I had started to write the other day, but I decided to take a step back a cool off a bit before I posted it.

I'm glad I did, not just because it would have made me sound whiny and spiteful - I am whiny and spiteful sometimes (so sorry to shatter your illusion of my utter perfection)- but it would have been doing exactly what I was upset about.

Okay- that's a bit confusing, so let me clarify.

Some people in my family (siblings) said some really horrible and hurtful things to me. These were not just insults- these were words that ripped into already bruised areas of my heart and shattered me. The thing is, they don't know how much those words hurt me because I do not talk to them about most things in my life. This may seem strange to some, but I think it is actually pretty common. In my large family, we have an extreme version of the high school grapevine, where one comment can be interpreted, twisted, completely stripped of it's original meaning, and passed on to the next person in a matter of minutes. Oh, and did I mention we also operate with the "we don't talk about that" form of family communication, so the only news we get is through the twisted grapevine? Yeah- we put the fun in dysfunctional.

So, I'm trying to get past this episode. The Man refuses to speak to or interact with one of my brothers and I'm avoiding one of my sisters. Neither seem to acknowledge or care that we were so hurt by what they said. It seems the "ignore it and it will eventually go away" approach is working for them. But not so much for us.

How do I move past this? How do I heal my heart? How do I get my wonderful husband, who can hold a grudge like no one you have ever encountered before, to let go and forgive?

I'm looking for the glue to mend my heart.

Kate

Change is in the Hair

Well I've finally gotten my mood out of the gutter. I'm also sleeping a bit better and though I'm still having odd dreams, they aren't quite as disturbing as the iceburg one.

Isn't it funny how a few simple changes can completely affect your mood?

My house was a mess, so The Man and I have been cleaning, organizing and finishing projects around the house. It now looks way better (not done yet, but getting there) and I feel much improved.

I've tackled the enormous mountain of laundry and I should be finished today. That means all of the clothes, towels, rugs and curtains are clean in my house. Awesome!

I got my first new haircut in 2 years (not including the Locks of Love debacle- more on that later) and highlights and SHAZAM! I'm feeling good. Throughout the years I've always changed my hair when I've made changes in my life. I remember in high school when I was breaking up with a boy over the phone and, in a true female multi-tasking way, cutting bangs in my previously all-one-length hair. That was a mistake- the bangs, not the boy- but it made me feel like I had some control over something, if that makes any sense.

So, get out there and start finishing up those projects you've been procrastinating on- you'll feel better, I'm sure. And while you are at it, get a trim, or dye your hair, or get a mani-pedi. God knows, you deserve it!

Kate

Dodging Iceburgs

I've been feeling pretty low the last few days.

I'm not really sure what the source of this is, just that I feel like I am not being the wife/sister/daughter that I feel people expect me to be; that I want to be. I'm really not enjoying my job, but feel unable to make any changes. I'm sad. I'm not sleeping well at all, I wake up repeatedly throughout the night and have trouble getting back to sleep.

I've been having horrible dreams. Last night I dreamt that I was on this large freighter that was pushing a huge block of ice (like an iceburg) through the ocean. My job was to examine the underside of the iceburg for cracks, so I had to jump in the frigid waters with a bunch of other people and swim underneath the ice. When we got back to the ship, I saw that one of the other swimmers was struggling to get back on the ship. When I got closer I saw it was a little boy. Since he was having trouble, I reached out to help him and when one of the guards noticed (yeah, no idea why there were guards there) he decided that neither of us was allowed to come back on board because we were too weak. They were going to just leave us there in the ocean to die! The guard said there were plenty of workers on the boat and that we wouldn't be missed. At this point I noticed that there were probably 10 people trying to get back on the boat, but the guard said that none of us were allowed, we were "dead weight." We just sat there clutching the ladder and crying. It was really unsettling and depressing.

Kate

Some Awesomeness for You

That title should tell you that I am a slight bit behind on my slang. (Maybe it should be "Freshness" or "Phatness"? Do they still use those?) However, at this point in my life, I embrace my lack of street knowledge.

I mean-I'm not that old, but I guess I have moved on from watching anything on MTV in the last few years. Except the Real World/Road Rules challenges- because they bring back the older people, who I actually recognize, and the drama is fun to watch. Plus, those challenges are crazy! But I'm off on a tangent...

On to the real reason I'm writing today. Okay, I know it's somewhat last week's news but, if you haven't yet seen Dr. Horrible's Sing Along Blog you must go buy it now! The free site is over, but this is so worth whatever iTunes is charging (something like $1.99.)

I love this show! The songs are super catchy and the dialogue is hilarious and clever and sharp. Neil Patrick Harris (or NPH, as the young'ns like to call him) is absolutely wonderful. I knew he could sing because he did RENT several years ago, but I'd never heard him until now and he is wonderful. Wait- did I mention he was wonderful? I'm so proud of little Doogie.

By the way, that there is my first offical "link". I have joined the technologically-challenged-but-attempting-it-anyway-and-disaster-looms crowd. We will see if I can stick with it.
Kate